OK, so let me be honest.
It hadn't exactly been easy the past few days. I seemed to be rather low on energy, partly for known reasons such as lack of sleep (all thanks to the little one) and partly for unknown reasons. Nett, I have been feeling fatigued, lethargic and not exactly "oh my God, everything is so happy and beautiful"!
So much so that I felt that I had completely wasted away a perfectly nice long weekend. It was a public holiday on Friday, giving a good three day break from work, the kind I would usually fill up with activities and make it productive and fulfilling.
But this weekend passed by without anything much to show. Sure, I had a couple of good dinners, an outing with the little one, some movie-watching, some exercising and some sleeping. I even helped the hubby a little bit on his work by getting back to coding, something that I had not done in the last eight years (FYI, I graduated as a software engineer but never really pursued it post college). I did all of that, yet I ended up feeling.. well, empty.
And then, realization struck. Wait a minute... did I just say that I spend a whole weekend with "a couple of good dinners, an outing with the little one, some movie-watching, some exercising and some sleeping" as well as "coding" and I feel "empty"? Huh?!
What the hell is wrong with me?!
These are exactly the things I would have gloated about if I put them in a different perspective.
Think about it... in the right frame of mind, that list would have been something like the below:
"Excellent long weekend! Am rather tired and tied down right now, so let me do a quick summary!
a) Discovered a wonderful new joint called Artichoke selling Mediterranean cuisine and with some excellent customer service as well as made my first trip to Fosters in Holland Village which had some really good live music.
b) Caught up with the hubby over some yummy dinner on two days of the weekend.
c) Watched the little one in fascination as she did a new thing and grew up a little bit every day. For example, both of us caught an hour's sleep on Saturday afternoon. I usually can't sleep in peace when she is lying right next to me, because I keep worrying whether she would roll off the bed. So I was simply lying down with my eyes closed. She woke up after an hour and wanted to wake me up as I pretended to sleep. First she tried to wake me up by running her little palm all over my face. When that didn't work, she tried scratching my arm again and again. When that also didn't seem to work, she started to pull my hair. And then, when that too failed.. what did she do?! She bulldozed her little head into my face! That definitely got me to stop pretending. I couldn't help but be fascinated by how babies figure these things out!
d) I watched half of a super lovely film called "Annayum Rasoolum" in Malayalam. It has one of best acting I have seen in Malayalam cinema in recent years, especially one that is so consistently good among all the members of the cast. It also has the best sound design, which I realized has managed to even win the national award. Totally deserving!
e) I coded! Yes! After a gap of almost 8 years, I went back to being a software enginner for a while, as I coded a few simple things to help the hubby with his work. Felt oh-so-good!
Excellent weekend indeed!"
See?!
It was all in the head!
Somewhere over the past few days, I had stopped to appreciate things. I am not sure why. But I had.
And it took me to write this blog, before I could realize how stupid it all was. Really, what was I so upset about? Sure I feel sleep deprived and tired and am not feeling like I can do much and haven't even exercised in two days.
But that is OK.
When the going gets tough... you realize it is all in your head.
And then the going gets less tough... ta da dish dooosh!
Smug. (Feeling so much wiser)!
It hadn't exactly been easy the past few days. I seemed to be rather low on energy, partly for known reasons such as lack of sleep (all thanks to the little one) and partly for unknown reasons. Nett, I have been feeling fatigued, lethargic and not exactly "oh my God, everything is so happy and beautiful"!
So much so that I felt that I had completely wasted away a perfectly nice long weekend. It was a public holiday on Friday, giving a good three day break from work, the kind I would usually fill up with activities and make it productive and fulfilling.
But this weekend passed by without anything much to show. Sure, I had a couple of good dinners, an outing with the little one, some movie-watching, some exercising and some sleeping. I even helped the hubby a little bit on his work by getting back to coding, something that I had not done in the last eight years (FYI, I graduated as a software engineer but never really pursued it post college). I did all of that, yet I ended up feeling.. well, empty.
And then, realization struck. Wait a minute... did I just say that I spend a whole weekend with "a couple of good dinners, an outing with the little one, some movie-watching, some exercising and some sleeping" as well as "coding" and I feel "empty"? Huh?!
What the hell is wrong with me?!
These are exactly the things I would have gloated about if I put them in a different perspective.
Think about it... in the right frame of mind, that list would have been something like the below:
"Excellent long weekend! Am rather tired and tied down right now, so let me do a quick summary!
a) Discovered a wonderful new joint called Artichoke selling Mediterranean cuisine and with some excellent customer service as well as made my first trip to Fosters in Holland Village which had some really good live music.
b) Caught up with the hubby over some yummy dinner on two days of the weekend.
c) Watched the little one in fascination as she did a new thing and grew up a little bit every day. For example, both of us caught an hour's sleep on Saturday afternoon. I usually can't sleep in peace when she is lying right next to me, because I keep worrying whether she would roll off the bed. So I was simply lying down with my eyes closed. She woke up after an hour and wanted to wake me up as I pretended to sleep. First she tried to wake me up by running her little palm all over my face. When that didn't work, she tried scratching my arm again and again. When that also didn't seem to work, she started to pull my hair. And then, when that too failed.. what did she do?! She bulldozed her little head into my face! That definitely got me to stop pretending. I couldn't help but be fascinated by how babies figure these things out!
d) I watched half of a super lovely film called "Annayum Rasoolum" in Malayalam. It has one of best acting I have seen in Malayalam cinema in recent years, especially one that is so consistently good among all the members of the cast. It also has the best sound design, which I realized has managed to even win the national award. Totally deserving!
e) I coded! Yes! After a gap of almost 8 years, I went back to being a software enginner for a while, as I coded a few simple things to help the hubby with his work. Felt oh-so-good!
Excellent weekend indeed!"
See?!
It was all in the head!
Somewhere over the past few days, I had stopped to appreciate things. I am not sure why. But I had.
And it took me to write this blog, before I could realize how stupid it all was. Really, what was I so upset about? Sure I feel sleep deprived and tired and am not feeling like I can do much and haven't even exercised in two days.
But that is OK.
When the going gets tough... you realize it is all in your head.
And then the going gets less tough... ta da dish dooosh!
Smug. (Feeling so much wiser)!
Nice one Shilpa, it is indeed all in the head! :-)
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